i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
