dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
we made out on top of his cat.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
