it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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