Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
