toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
