chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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