how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
