she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
