So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
