I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
