I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize