She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
