...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
