It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
