what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
