how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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