i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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