made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
