just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
