you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
