I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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