Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
