Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
