Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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