Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
