So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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