Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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