i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
