his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
