We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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