And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
