I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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