This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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