I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
