I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
