I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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