Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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