i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
