I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
