Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
