My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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