Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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