He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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