Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
