He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
