Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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