anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
