My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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