We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
