Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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