Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
