i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
