I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
