No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
