It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
We named our party play list daddy issues
4 words: hood of his car
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
