Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
