They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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