That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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