We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
