you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
