1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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