Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
