im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
