she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize