I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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