I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
