Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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