I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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